Don't repeat the mistake on page 847 of The Prayer Book .  Here is what God really requires from the chosen people:

Do justice

A series of essays in the Episcopal Church


V O X N E W S

  V O X   N E W S

An Unfair and Unbalanced Satire and Fake News Occasional Newsletter Serving(?!)    

Episcopalians (and Others - We're Inclusive As Well As ‘Miserable’ Offenders)

______________________________________________________________________________

FEAST OF ST. MARX [of the Groucho sort] The Rev. Bob Smith, Editor

April 25, 2005   Happy Passover!                   © 2005 as an unpublished manuscript All Rights

Our motto: The Truth of fake news will make you free                    Reserved.  No portion of BLAH!  BLAH!  BLAH!  BLAH!

Our Mission: Laughter heals the church of deadly seriousness and I’ll sue you and you ‘ll find yourself in deep doo-doo!

____________________________________________________________________________________________

  GROUCHO MARX

   BAPTIZED AS AN

    EPISCOPALIAN

 

  EPISCOPAL CHURCH ADOPTS MORMON PROXY

    BAPTISM OF THE DEAD IN EFFORT TO DOUBLE

     CHURCH MEMBERSHIP BY TARGET YEAR 2020

 

  Executive Council:  “We already live off the stewardship of dead

            Episcopalians.   If we can’t  increase our membership among the

  living by 2020, let’s  increase our  membership among the dead!”  

                  MARX  FAMILY:  ‘YOU GET NO MONEY FROM US!’ 

                  DENOUNCE ACTIONS AS  ‘FLAGRANT CHUTZPAH!

______________________________________________________________________________________________________

VOX NEWS  © 2005 by Robert R. Smith, All Rights Reserved.  VOX NEWS may be used by readers -that

means YOU - just give the credit (or the blame) as follows:  "From VOX NEWS, copyright 2005,  by permission,

 Robert R. Smith."   VOX NEWS is satire, fictional, and 'fake news' unless otherwise  noted.  It was created to bring

 comic relief to the church's (often) deadly seriousness.  Real persons and institutions are spoofed without their

 permission.  (Would they actually GIVE IT?!)  Anything actual persons institutions are reported to say or do in

 VOX NEWS is fictitious.  All characters are fictional.  Any  resemblances to persons living or dead is purely

 coincidental. The Editor would be glad to hear your feedback - especially the positive feedback!  The Rev. Robert

 R. Smith, VOX NEWS c/o Church of the Holy Communion,  66 Summit Street, Norwood, NJ 07648  Phone and

Fax: 201-768-0634.  Home: 201-768-1176. (Please, no nasty calls after 9:00 PM.)  Email: voxnews@optonline.net  

 

    EPISCOPAL CHURCH ADOPTS PROXY BAPTISM

  Groucho Marx Now Posthumously an Episcopalian

New York, Salt Lake City, and Los Angeles (April 22) - Ever since the General

 Convention of  the Episcopal Church approved a resolution making it a church-wide goal of

 doubling membership by the year 2020, the denomination has been in a quandary about

how to achieve this goal.

Dubbed, ‘the 2020 Resolution,’ the outlook for achieving its goal is more bleak now then

when it was passed in 1997.  The Episcopal Church is conflicted over the full inclusion of gay

 persons, while struggling to maintain its ties with the wider Anglican Communion, of which the

 Episcopal Church (or ECUSA) is the American branch.  .

In a stunning decision push for the goal of doubling membership, the Executive Council of

ECUSA has ruled the adoption of  the Mormon practice of proxy baptisms of the dead. 

The Rt. Rev. Custis Wentworth, speaking for the Executive Council, said, “We have been

considering proxy baptism of the dead for quite some time.  Now, the time to do it is right!”

In the Episcopal form of the proxy baptismal rite, a living person undergoes the rite of

 Holy Baptism with the intention that it be for the deceased, thus granting them membership in the

church.

Among the first of the departed to receive posthumous baptism, was none other than the

 great funny man of the big and small screen, Groucho Marx.

Wentworth explained,  “Because he was the favorite comedian of the Executive Council.

Our TV generation was raised on his films and Groucho Marx’s game show, “You Bet Your

 Life.”  Wentworth said they were going to put a duck above the font, but Presiding Bishop Frank

Griswold would not allow it, saying, “That’s too over the top, even for us Episcopalians.” 

Julius “Groucho” Marx was Jewish, and at the time of his death, he had been a member of

 a Reformed Temple in Los Angeles.   

When questioned about the validity of such a posthumous baptism of one so obvioiusly

committed to another faith tradition, Bishop Wentworth responded, “Why shouldn’t it be valid?!

We already  live off  the stewardship of dead Episcopalians.   Besides, if we can’t  increase our

 membership among the living by 2020, let’s  increase our  membership among the dead!”   

Mormon leadership was outraged at the Episcopal Church, said Elder Brigham Hughes by

phone from Mormon headquarters in Salt Lake City, Utah.  “We proxy baptized him first!! 

Groucho is ours!!  Not the Episcopalians’!”  

“Not so fast,” said Arthur Marx, son of the late Groucho. “If this is a ploy to get

‘stewardship from the dead’ as the Bishop puts it, let me say that neither church is getting money

from the Marx family. “ 

The comedian’s son further denounced both churches for what he called, “Flagrant

chutzpah!”

When asked to comment on proxy baptism of the dead, retired Bishop of Newark, and

controversial author,  John Shelby Spong said, “I think baptism of the dead is a great idea.

Perhaps we should baptize God.  God has been dead for years.”  

V O X   N E W S

      The previous story was fake news!  But this is NOT!

Do you like Vox News but hate to read? Come see us LIVE!   

FRIDAY, APRIL 29TH

 

 VOX NEWS EDITOR IN

        COMEDY CONTEST

    “Healing Deadly Seriousness One Laugh at a  Time!”

The Rev. Bob Smith

        Episcopal (Anglican) Priest ~ Clean Comedian

                       Rector, Church of the Holy Communion, Norwood, NJ

                           ~ Editor, Vox News Satire ~Stand Up Theologian

  Come see a Miracle!   Rev. Bob Smith Will Speak for Six Minutes - Only!**

  FRIDAY, APRIL 29TH ~ AMATEUR COMEDY CONTEST 

~Kelly’s s Pub~79 Old Tappan Road, in Tappan, NY                

Food & Drink menu available

 

                 SEATING STARTS 8:30 ~ SHOW STARTS AT 9:00 PM

            $10  per person ~Two drink minimum ~ 1st drink on the house

**RULE:  Six minutes max time all comics ~ WARNING:  Not-so-clean comics will be there, too

  Can you be funny for six minutes?  Want to enter the Contest? 

                                 For details call Chip Ambroggio at 201-452-0318



You are welcome to submit your essays for consideration for this series. Send them to lcrew@newark.rutgers.edu Identify yourself by name, snail address, parish, and other connections to the Episcopal Church. Please encourage others to do the same.

------------------------------------

Please sign my guestbook and view it.


My site has been accessed times since February 14, 1996.

Statistics courtesy of WebCounter.