The wise woman might also do well to keep silent, but here goes.
Yes, I agree that so-called dialogue is too often people shouting their unshakeable opinions at the deaf ears of opponents. I would welcome sane, reasoned conversation that attempts not to convert, but to understand.
However, with regard to your third option, may I suggest you take a look at what it seems to say if the identifier were, say, race and not sexual orientation? Seems to me it would be the next best thing to aparthied---congregations where one is allowed in if black, others for whites (and "honorary whites"), and yet others for "Cape coloreds". I wish we could work out a way to live together in peace, but that isn't it, dispite the fact that one's sexuality is usually easier to disguise than one's race (though not always!).
Statistics courtesy of