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The Likosaurus Award, given at the end of the semester to that student who has shown the greatest progress in his or her struggle against Lykelyke Syndrome, is bestowed as a small testimonial to the courage and self-discipline of those who have followed the 12-step program for overcoming this debilitating condition.
What is Lykelyke Syndrome?
Lykelyke Syndrome, originally identified by the Swedish neuropathologist Leik Eimeenleik, is an increasingly common condition that begins as a simple inability to utter a grammatically complete English sentence without numerous insertions of the word "like."
How Can I Know if Someone in my Family has Lykelyke Syndrome?
Warning signs are easy to spot. Before the onset of Lykelyke Syndrome, the patient has no difficulty in uttering sentences like the following:
1) He said that he couldn't give me an extension on the paper because it was against departmental policy
In the early stages of Lykelyke Syndrome the same sentences will take the following form:
1) He, like, said he, like, couldn't, like, give a, like, extension, it was, like, against, like, policy.
In the terminal stage of neurological degeneration, the same sentences will be uttered as:
1) He's like, no extension, it's, like, against the rules.
Is there hope for Lykelyke sufferers?
Yes. Those in whom the condition is detected early may be put on a 12-step program of self-imposed therapy that leads eventually to complete remission. Japanese scientists theorize that the theraputic program leads to "cortical reprogramming," in which the brain actually creates new synaptic pathways to bypass the "like centers" already established in the left cerebral hemisphere.
What about the later stages of Lykelyke Syndrome? Is there hope?
Unfortunately, no. The sufferer from terminal Lykelyke Syndrome eventually enters a stage where he or she repeats the word "like" as an endless sequence of meaningless syllables, and then lapses into silence altogether.
Do Lykelyke sufferers need special care?
No. The good news for families with members suffering from terminal Lykelyke Syndrome is that patients who have entered this stage remain speechless and watch television for up to 16 hours a day. They sleep the remainder of the time.
Is it safe to leave a Lykelyke patient alone?
Yes. Families with members suffering from Stage 3 Lykelyke Syndrome report that the patient may be left alone in front of the television, with the sound turned completely off, for up to 12 hours at a time. Only at mealtimes, when some Lykelike patients tend to drool while ingesting the special diet of Twinkies and low-calorie cola recommended by Japanese scientists, does the terminal Lykelyke sufferer need special attention.
Do winners of the Likosaurus Award achieve complete remission?
Yes. We are pleased to report that every previous winner of the Likosaurus Award has entered permanent remission. Japanese scientests report that even patients receiving final consideration for the Award show a substantial slowing of the progress of the neurological deterioriation that leads to Stage 3.